Lots of other things…

You know you have watched far too much CBeebies when you start to over think one of the shows and how it reflects moments in your own, real, grown up life. Specifically, the show where the super joyous presenters sing a song while they wait to find out who gets to play with the dressing up. For anyone not familiar – one lucky presenter is picked and after some initial confusion with mismatching outfits, they find themselves dressed up correctly and armed with some handy clues about what said character does, go off and have a try at being… a vet, police officer etc.

I like this idea… I’d like a specific outfit for every role required of me on any given day. I think the option to dress up a bit more whilst meeting the demands of life, might just make it all a bit more fun sometimes. Or at least a couple of accessories for what ever is featuring highly during a week. For example, this week there are at least 326 activities planned that require forms, time frames, drops off, picks ups, packing, etc. None of these activities are mine. I am a Social Secretary. I should have a clip board as a minimum.

On the days that I am winning, I might dress as Wonder Woman. On the days where the kids won’t give up with the bickering, maybe a referees outfit, complete with whistle, yellow and red cards. On any day where sleep deprivation or a bad mood takes over – I’m thinking full on Cruella Deville.

There is no doubt having kids lengthens the list of ‘other things’ I need to be get through the day, but it definitely existed before them too. (Inner Cruella has been around a whole lot longer than the kids for sure). In fairly typical me fashion, I find myself over thinking how I manage it all sometimes, how everyone else is managing it all. I wonder about how it would be with the pressure off, when for a day I didn’t need to be accountant, chef, and nurse for example. But when my mind heads off in this direction, I am relieved to see I’m still somewhere in the mix. My core characteristics have not actually disappeared completely, just blended in or maybe evolved.

Whatever the day I’m likely to be wearing something comfy with flips flips and my hair scrapped back – this kind of lazy look has been about at least as long a Cruella too. By doing things like this blog and various other projects and courses I can indulge in my writing passion. (I always feel like I should wear glasses for this, even thought my vision is fine). On a recent yet rare girls night out, I was able to have a good giggle, off load, eat pizza like a TMNT* and sing along my own made up words to all the tunes playing without a care or anything else being required of me. It felt refreshing.

When I was young, self-doubt and self-consciousness meant I probably didn’t want many people to see too much of me. Yet somewhere over time, now I just can’t wait to catch glimpses of and have the opportunities to get Hannah out and say I’m me and I am still here!

Maybe better in fact? Because on top of still being me, the extra challenges and roles that life demands of me, mean I am more too – I don’t always have to like all the other things but as long as I am managing them, (with or without the aid of fancy dress) I think that’s pretty good going.

Although it takes organising – the small matter of being a chef, taxi driver, cleaner, social secretary etc can soon take up more of my time, leaving less than I would like to for the big ones such as; Fun Mum, Available Friend, aspiring Writer…. When I hear the word balance, I visualise equal scales. In reality, balance in life is making it work best for you.

Overall maybe it’s like being a Project Manager – the plans are AWOL, the budget is limited and the hours are long. Dressing up wise I should be wearing a power suit with killer heals with the Wonder Woman outfit underneath, ready to bust out at any moment. But I wouldn’t want to give the game away and I just really love flip flops. So in my mind I am power suit wonder woman – just dressed down. I’m happy with that.

Mum. Wife, Sister, Daughter. Friend. Lots of other things. Me.

* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Obs. 

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